


Truth In Every Dream, History In Every Apparition

by Fleeting_Phantom, Kana_cub



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bullying, Correction e-boy! Ferdinand, Eating Disorders, F/F, Ferdie lived in Spain, Ferdie was a Prince, Goth! Ferdinand, Hubert and Edelgard used to live in Germany, Jock! Edelgard and Hubert, M/M, Male My Unit | Byleth, Mental Health Issues, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Lives, Romance, Slow Burn, Soulmates, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2020-10-14 23:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20609351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fleeting_Phantom/pseuds/Fleeting_Phantom, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kana_cub/pseuds/Kana_cub
Summary: “Show off….” He heard mumbled from behind him, and he saw the blond crack a smile. Frowning, Ferdinand sunk into his seat, wishing he’d left his hair down so he could hide behind it, use it as a curtain.Ferdinand von Aegir was perfectly content in his home in Spain. So of course, his father decided it was time to uproot his entire life. He ends up in Maine, in a small private school called Garreg Mach. The ginger ends up on the bad side of one of the school's Queen Bees, Edelgard von Hresvelg, and needless to say, he struggles to move with all the bruises on his body.  At first, he hates her right-hand man, Hubert just as much.Then, Professor Hanneman announces that they will be researching their crests, past lives, and subsequentially, who their soulmate is.AlternativelyFerdinand is destined for the resident bad boy and now Edelgard kinda wants him dead.





	1. And the record won't stop skipping

_He felt lips upon his own, heart thumping in his chest as he clung to the other like a vine._

_ “Ferdinand….” The voice said, bittersweet, like coffee with just the right amount of cream, “Please, you mustn’t leave me, you need to stay. For me, for Octavius….” _

_“I want to, I want to stay more than I can put into words, my sweet, but…milady needs me, she needs me as the Cavalry Captain.” He felt tears pour down his face, and he felt the other wipe them away, “Please, if something does happen to me-“ _

_He was cut off by a crushing kiss, the force of which took his breath away. “No, speak nothing of that sort, my angel, you are so strong, you will make it out of there.” The mysterious man rested his forehead against his, “You are a Prince, and the battlefield is no place for you to die.”_

* * *

The alarm rang loudly, waking Ferdinand from what had been a…rather odd dream. He got those quite often, ones where he was a dashing Prince, married to his advisor, a Marquis. He always awoke with one breathless feeling or another. He was either breathless because, well, ‘his’ husband had a way with words, or, he had one of the bad ones. Some nights, he was in battle, wiping blood off of silver armor, others, he was being screamed at, berated by a man he assumed to be his Father.

While the former may have seemed out of place, the latter was practically an everyday occurrence. Ferdinand was always compared to other children, especially to the Hresvelg heir. He’d only personally met her once or twice when he was rather young, but the memory of the perfect little angel wouldn’t leave him, no matter what he did.

He had talents, he had abilities, but it just seemed that unless it benefitted his Father, there was no point in even begging for his permission. Horseback riding was one thing he loved that didn’t grate on his Father.

After a few minutes of letting his tired mind wake, Ferdinand threw his legs over the edge of his bed, pulled a black, short-sleeved button-up over his head, tugged on some tartan pants, and buckled his red platforms. He tossed on a few bracelets, a cross necklace, and a pair of dangling earrings before stuffing a granola bar in his face, grabbing a can of Starbucks Double Shot, and running out to his old reliable, a Chevy Malibu.

* * *

The first day of a new school was awful for anyone, but when you’ve just moved from another country, it’s even _worse. _

The school system was…somewhat similar to the one he’d been in back in Spain. He’d been in a colegios concertados, when his mother was still alive. She insisted it was better for him to stay away from the rest of the rich kids, something about being spoiled or stuck up. However, almost the minute his poor old Mama had passed, he was moved to a colegios privados, losing all his friends in the process. He tried to reason with his Father, education in a State Private school was free until he was sixteen, but of course, he thought that only a true private school could give him the education he needed.

Ferdinand was quite disturbed that his Father had added two more years of study by moving to America, he would be in Post-Secondary by now, seeing as he’d turned sixteen last spring. It didn’t matter now, he supposed, as he pulled up to the junior’s parking lot of Garreg Moch High.

After putting his car in park, he brushed a hand through his hair, finally deciding it would be better to put it in a braid then have his bushy curls all frizzy by the end of the day. After finishing that, he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, opened the door, and began his junior year of high school.

* * *

Instead of going to the gym to wait with all the other students, the ginger resigned himself to wander close to his homeroom until the first bell rang. He was passing a classroom when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Oh! I apologize,” Ferdinand blurted out, sheepishly smiling at the green-haired male, “Did you need me for something Sir?”

The teacher chuckled, “No, I was just wondering who you were, I’ve never seen you here before and this is a pretty small school.”

“My name is Ferdinand von Aegir, I’m new, just moved here from Spain, Sir,”

“I can tell by the accent, Mr. von Aegir, You really don’t need to refer to me so formally, Ferdinand,” He shook his head, adjusting the pen that rested in the breast pocket of his blazer, “I’m Professor Byleth, you can refer to me as such, or as Mr. Byleth. I’m the main History teacher here.”

Before Ferdinand could reply, the bell rang. The two waved goodbye, both walking to the classrooms they were needed in.

Picking a seat close to the front, on account of his poor vision, aided by contacts, Ferdinand took in the English classroom, watching the Professor, Mr. von Hyrm, scribble a passage down on the board, clearly not in English.

“Now students, I will give you two chances to get this right,” He turned to face the class, “You’ve all taken Spanish, so, translate this.”

Most of the students shook their heads in confusion, before a green-haired boy raised his hand, “Mr. Hyrm, we took American Spanish, that’s European.”

Ferdinand’s hand immediately shot up, but not before a platinum blonde could respond, without being called on.

“Finally, from so little sleeping and so much reading, his brain dried up and he went completely out of his mind.” She said, a hint of triumph in her voice, before putting her hand down.

“Ms. Hrelsvelg, just because you heard I like to use passages from Don Quixote doesn’t mean I use the same one every year,” He turned to Ferdinand, “You, ginger, what do you think it says.”

“It says,” He cleared his throat, only to hear a laugh from behind him.

“Mr. von Vestra, is something funny?”

“No sir,” Grumbled the teen behind him.

“Continue.”

Ferdinand cleared his throat again, “When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies? Perhaps to be too practical is madness. To surrender dreams — this may be madness. Too much sanity may be madness — and maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be!”

Mr. Hyrm let out a pleased hum, “Clearly you’ve been speaking Spanish for some time, and you have quite the accent as well.”

“Oh well,” He said, rubbing the back of his neck, “I’ve only spoke it and French my entire life.”

“Show off….” He heard mumbled from behind him, and he saw the blond crack a smile. Frowning, Ferdinand sunk into his seat, wishing he’d left his hair down so he could hide behind it, use it as a curtain.


	2. And the lies just won't stop slipping

_He noticed the blood before he felt the arrow, lodged between the joints of his knee armor. Gritting his teeth, he removed a hand from the reign of his steed to snap the shaft, tugging at the remaining wood to extract the iron head. _

_Ferdinand pressed a hand against what he could of the injury, sucking in a breath. He needed to make it to Linhardt, he couldn't let this wound go untreated._

_ The cavalier was halfway to the healer when a mage got a little too close for comfort. He lashed out with his lance, but he missed the shoulder of the soldier by less than an inch. Before he could think, or even lift his shield, a blast of lightning struck his side, and Ferdinand fell with the grace of a drunken giant. He laid on the ground, surrounded by his men, watching as they passed him by without a glance._

* * *

"Hey! Ferdie, wake up, free periods over." Dorothea whispered, lightly smacking his shoulder, "We need to get to Mr. Hanneman's class before he chews us out for being late again."

Groaning, he rubbed his eyes, lifting his head off of the library's table. He managed to stand even with the throbbing in his knees from sitting for close to an hour, popping his back.

They hardly managed to slip into their seats before the toll of the bell, the dynamic duo quietly high fived each other. Though they didn't miss the semi-glare sent their way by the professor. The students hastily completed the bell ringer on the board, the sound of fingers typing away filling the room.

"Today, we will be beginning our first hands-on exercise," Mr. Hanneman announced, while the students let out a mix of groans and cheers, "I would hope that Professor Byleth would have informed you of the antiquity of crests by now, and how they connect us to our past lives."

He turned to the smartboard, changing the warm-up slide. This one depicting a rather odd-looking instrument. "Not everyone has a crest, those are usually reserved for those who's past life was nobility." He turned the slide, "However, just because you don't have a crest, doesn't mean that we can't ascertain who you used to be."

Ferdinand turned to Dorothea, "Is...is this a routine thing?"

"Uh, duh, I got my results back in freshman year, I was a famous opera star in the court of a Prince! Of course, we're still getting info on it."

"Wow..." He mumbled, "How...how do they manage that sort of thing?"

"With your Mana Cicer."

"My what?"

"You are clueless, aren't you," She sighed, "It's the pulse of your life energy, what you can transform into magic. Everyone has a different flow, and if yours is brand-new, that means you're just a freshly made soul."

"That's....actually really cool."

"Ferdinand, Dorothea, what is so compelling that you decided to interrupt my lesson?"

"Oh, well, Mr. Hanneman, Ferdinand had never heard of a Mana Cicer, and I was trying to explain it to him so he wouldn't be so lost."

"Very well then, you should ask me next time instead." Ferdinand let out a sigh of relief, stirring in his seat to get a better view of the board. He listened as intently as he could, intrigued. “Please, break off into partners and go to a station with a crest examiner,” Hanneman commanded, turning to the board, “If any of you require assistance, I will be at my desk, as per usual.”

Dorothea and Ferdinand wandered over, taking their seats on the tall stools. After briefly explaining what to do, she allowed him to attempt to work the thing on his own. After a few tries, he managed to get past the first step and waited for the machine to start, then watching it cycle through the crests and evaluate his mana ci….cerit…whatever.

“Crest Identified.” The robotic voice announced, “Crest of Cichol, known to manifest in the von Aegir and von Vestra family lines.”

“Wow, Ferdie! That’s one of the Four Saint’s crests,” She nudged him with her elbow, “That’s pretty good, even if it might lump you in with Doom and Gloom."

He shrugged, “Eh, I mean, if you say so." Pausing for a moment, his gaze shifted back to his lab partner, "Wait, might lump me up with Hubert? I figured he'd for sure have a crest."

Dorothea shook her head, adjusting her headband, "He's been trying since he was like, maybe twelve? But nothin', zilch, though his family is adamant that he has to have one."

"Huh, the more you know I guess..." 

* * *

Biology, as usual, felt like it drug on forever, as he researched the properties of his crest for what seemed like days. It mostly symbolized a connection to nature, which made Dorothea exclaim something about how freakishly true it was. Alas, despite his e-boy ways, Ferdinand was quite the woodland lover. He always found time to wander in the forests surrounding his home, or saddle up his horse, Finnigan for a ride.

It was now lunch, and students were almost everywhere across the campus. In the halls, in the cafeteria, the commons, you name it, there were kids there. Ferdinand was one of the very few in the cafeteria, sitting with a group of theatre kids, munching on a grilled chicken wrap and sipping on fruity tea. He noted Edelgard only a table away, eating not much more than a snack, just, a sliver of meat and cheese on a cracker. A sort of nauseousness crawled out from some pit of hell, constricting his throat and seizing his stomach. He tried to rationalize with himself, those foods could be quite filling, she was an awful lot smaller than him. Though it seemed the more logic he used, the more his brain started to compare and contrast, compare and contrast.

Eventually, he had to give in, packing up the half of the wrap he couldn't will himself to eat, planning to drink his tea for the rest of lunch.

"What's the matter, Ferdinand?" Claude, resident heartthrob chirped, "All you could talk about in History was how hungry you were."

"I...Well," He played with the ends of his hair, down on this particular day, feeling some level of shame for his complaining, "Just, not hungry all of the sudden."

"You sure you're quite alright?" Dorothea inquired, "You do look a little pale." Ferdinand shook his head, "Yeah, I'm all good you guys, I just need a minute, might just be nerves or something."

Before the table could protest any more, the bell rang, and the ginger was out of his chair so fast he almost tipped it over. In his rush to get out the door, he ended up running into a much shorter student, uttering a million apologies before he realized who he'd run into.

"Can you not watch where you're going? You'd have to be an idiot or blind to miss me. Oh wait. You're both." The blond snapped, jabbing a finger in his face, "Stay with your crowd, fag."

His eyes were widened in shock when his vision panned over to the left, to see Hubert, not scowling at him like normal, but his eyes were filled with something like...sympathy? Unfortunately, his train of thought was interrupted before he managed to decipher the odd facial expression

"Hey, lay off bitch, it wasn't like he meant to run you over pipsqueak." A voice from behind him said, causing Edelgard to grimace and storm off, Hubert in tow.

Ferdinand whipped around to see a blond a good deal taller than him, shaggy hair down to his shoulders, wrapped in a large jacket with voluminous fur on the hood.

"T...thank you, for doing that," He muttered, "I'm Ferdinand, you ar-"

"Dimitri!" Claude exclaimed, rushing to semi-tackle the blond, "Its been like, three years!" All the students at another table ran over as soon as the name was screamed, presumably Dimitri's old friends. Deciding introductions could wait till later, Ferdinand slipped away amidst the reunion, running off to grab his gym clothes from his locker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you might have noticed after reading this, I am taking some liberties with crests and how they function. They are mostly used to track down past lives because crests manifest in souls and stay the same throughout every incarnation of that soul. 
> 
> Just for some farther clarification, in this universe, the canon in-game events occurred a long time ago, possibly ten lifetimes for Ferdinand and the rest of the main characters. The past lives each of the characters will be studying are different, as Ferdinand is a Prince, though Hubert and Dorothea are still a Marquis and opera star, respectively. 
> 
> I apologize if any characters are ooc, namely Edelgard, but please keep in mind that their souls are the same, but their lives are not, so there are some personality shifts.


	3. And besides my reputations on the line

It had been a week since the cafeteria incident, though Ferdinand’s mind had hardly strayed from the thought of it. The images of Edelgard’s scowl and Hubert’s almost sympathetic expression were burned into the back of his mind and it was very unlikely they’d fade from his memory anytime soon. Strangely enough, though Edelgard continued her assault on his pride, Hubert had been almost avoiding him. Not that he particularly minded. 

Maybe he did mind, just a little. Especially with the looks he was giving him, as if....as if he was made nervous by his presence alone. It was funny, how he looked at him, when every time the ginger was close to him, his stomach flipped and a heard of butterflies filled his chest.

Theatre class had been a pleasant distraction that gave him a few hours of peace and joy. Claude and Dorothea also tried their hardest to distract him, for that, Ferdinand was incredibly grateful. They’d been very patient as he explained the situation, his faint memories of Edelgard, and just how on edge she made him. 

Dimitri had been notably understanding, apparently a victim of her 'teasing' in elementary and middle school. She had been his step-sister, though the marriage of their parents hadn’t lasted long before his father met his doom in a car accident three years ago. 

It was third period now, band, and they were supposed to be going outside to run the first and second movements of their show, titled  _ 100 Years of Dance.  _ He secured the carrier on his shoulders, shifting to adjust to the weight of the tenor drums, back brace tight around his abdomen. 

“Need any help, Ferdie?” Claude asked as he attached the snare to his carrier, “Sometimes I forget how heavy that thing is.”

“Nah, I’ve got it now, though you could help Linhardt with the marimba.” He suggested, pointing to the struggling teen.

Making his way outside, he braced himself for the running he’d undoubtedly end up doing. The most significant disappointment by far had been learning that Edelgard was the Band Captain, and had authority over everyone but the Drum Major, a taller senior by the name of Dedue, and the section leaders. She found every chance she could to abuse this power, particularly with him and a flute named Ashe. 

Finding his dot for set one, he pulled his sticks out, keeping them above the heads of the drums, moving them slightly trying to stimulate the memory of the music. Most of the drummers were doing something similar, Claude and one of the basses, Caspar, playing as quietly as they could. With a slip of his sweating palms, one of the sticks slipped, thudding against the lowest drum. 

“Two laps Ferdinand, no playing out of turn.” Edelgard almost commanded, back still turned, not even turning to make sure it was him and not the other tenor, Annette. 

Groaning, he began to slip the carrier off, before she called out again, “With the drum on.”

“Oh for Pete’s sake, Edelgard!” Claude exclaimed, slipping his sticks back in their holder, “He runs like every day over almost nothing! It's ridiculous.” 

Ferdinand was almost dizzy with relief, shuffling back to his dot as an argument broke out between Claude and Edelgard, with the band director eventually yelling at them both to quiet down. Thankfully, the rest of the class went smoothly with the trumpets on the other side of the field. 

The hour of his free period went by in what seemed like minutes, much to his dismay. He never fancied science on the best of days, but now that they were studying past lives, he felt…well, strange about it. On one hand, he was beside himself with glee, the thrill of such a discovery, yet on the other, he knew this could change people’s opinions of him. What if he’d been some deranged, tyrannical dictator? Or a worthless, poverty-stricken peasant? 

Ferdinand shook the thought out of his head, he wouldn’t be the person who based his whole identity with a past life he had no control over. In his mind, that was almost on par with coloring one’s hair because a Buzzfeed quiz said they’d look good with highlighter yellow hair.

Dorothea didn’t come to walk with him, in fact, it appeared that she wasn’t even at school today, much to his dismay. Of course, it was the day they’d finally measure their Mana Cicer.

The beginning of Biology went by quickly, Mr. Hanneman declaring he’d be calling students up one by one.

“I will be calling you to the front to insert the needle into a vein in your arm and tie a blood pressure cuff to your arm, to make sure you aren’t going to pass out. We will be going in alphabetical order.”

The ginger felt a surge of relief, this meant he’d likely be last to have his teacher impale his arm with a needle. He didn’t even try to beg his Father to sign the permission slip, just using his years of practice to forge the man’s loopy-loop signature.

“Reverse alphabetical order.”

Ferdinand choked on his gum, which he hastily spat out into a scrap of paper. 

"Ferdinand, you're up first, take off your jacket." He said, wiping down the needle with an alcohol-soaked cloth, "Don't be shy now of all times."

Scrambling out of his seat, he shuffled over to stand beside Mr. Hanneman's desk, sticking out his arm. He cringed at the cool sensation of alcohol on his skin, 

He hardly felt the needle pierce his skin, more focused on trying not to tense his forearm. He heard the whirling of machine, all the mechanical clicking and clacking he expected, squeezing his eyes shut until he heard it slow down. A small ding announced the presence of the A.I that had also been in the crest analyzer, Sothis, its voice ringing out clear as day.

“The Mana Cicer of von Aegir, Ferdinand, who bears the crest of Cichol, indicates that his previous life began in 1698 and ended in 1725. The flow indicates that his soul was previously in the body of Prince Ferdinand von Aegir, who briefly ruled over France, though never taking the title of King. His death preceded that of his husband and four children.”

A flush covered the expanse of his face, eyes now wide as he glanced up at Mr. Hanneman. He jumped as the machine spoke again.

“Would you like me to give some more history from your past life?"

Before he could choke out an answer, his teacher, just as startled as him, mumbled a small yes. The class watched as the machine connected to the smartboard, displaying a photo of a man who bore a striking resemblance to him, save for the scar across the bridge of his nose. Ferdinand himself had more freckles and less worry lines than his past self, and he was thankful he didn't have as much grey in his hair as past him.

"Prince von Aegir, legally von Vestra, was the ruler of his country for five years along with his soulmate and consort, Hubert von Vestra. He was assassinated by his General and step-sister, Edelgard von Hresvig. She attempted to take the throne and failed, his husband Hubert von Vestra taking his place as regent until their eldest child, Delacey could take the throne. Unfortunately, Marquis Hubert and the children, save for the three-year-old Ivy, lost their lives to tuberculosis in 1734."

Ferdinand thought his heart was going to stop beating, his hands were shaking, his eyes were watering. He swallowed, trying to calm his rapid breathing, though nothing he tried seemed to help.

"Mr. von Aegir, I understand that this is a lot to take in, would you like to sit down-"

Mr. Hanneman's words were interrupted by the buckling of Ferdinand's knees as his body crumples to the floor, consciousness fading in and out.

* * *

_Ferdinand kisses the head of a small boy, glancing over to a well-dressed man in all black, who held another small child in his arms. Both bare a striking resemblance to the other man, his husband, save for the curly red hair atop the head of the child he holds. _

_"Hubert darling, would you mind watching Delacey for a moment?" He asks, setting the child, who's only four at the most, down by his father, "I'll go get our tea," He giggles behind a hand, "And your coffee."_

_He smiles as Delacey holds onto his pant leg, watching Ferdinand disappear around the corner after a chaste, sweet kiss on the lips. The memory feels like it should be happy, peaceful, but something in the back of Ferdinand's mind tells him that it isn't as he watches the scene unfold in front of him. Unfortunately, he doesn't have a lot of time to ponder why that would be, as his dream is cut painfully short._

* * *

Ferdinand wakes up in the infirmary, feeling worse for wear, mind fuzzy and limbs heavy. There's only one person in the room besides himself and the tired school nurse.

Hubert.

_Hubert._

His soulmate, goddess, this was his soulmate. Did he know? Did Hanneman tell him?

"Ferdinand, calm yourself," The taller mumbled, golden eyes fixated on him, "Your face is almost as red as your hair."

"I...." He struggled to speak, words building and building in his throat, "Did...did they tell you...?"

Hubert shook his head, shaggy black hair falling in one of his eyes, "I...I already knew, we got our results that afternoon, right before lunch."

Ferdinand's eyes widened and his jaw dropped, "You knew!" He exclaimed, sitting up, "Why....why didn't you tell me!"

"The truth is..well, I was ashamed," He must have noticed the fall of his shoulders, because he swiftly grabbed a freckled hand, "Of myself, not you, Ferdinand, I was worried, worried that you wouldn't accept me. Because of my connection to Edelgard and, frankly, because of the way I treated you those first few days of school."

The ginger smiled, shaking as he grips Hubert's hand back, "Now that we both know...."

"I suppose we'll just have to try and make this work, won't we?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY.  
Anyways, so, this fic isn't meant to be a slow burn or anything, so the relationship might progress a bit {a lot} faster than it realistically would. Ah, the beauty of soulmates. The band thing might seem out of place, but trust me, it's important later. ;0
> 
> And to anyone wondering, yes, the reason for Edelgard's aggression is because past life her is really salty @ Ferdie's soul. This is also sorta where his faint memories of her come from. There's a ton of complicated stuff going into this soulmate stuff, but, basically, when a new soul is created, they become soulmates with the first new soul that mutually falls in love with them. If they don't fall in love, then their soul just reincarnates again until they fall for another soulmateless sap.
> 
> So, all those thousands of years ago, when Ferdinand was a Prime Minister to Emperor Edelgard, his brand new soul fell head over heels for Hubert.


	4. We can fake it for the airwaves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is a sort of shorter update and I'm sad to say there will not be an update next week. I'm going on a cruise and to be honest, I need a break from the internet. There is no wi-fi on the ship, so, no new chapter :(

Going home was never something that Ferdinand enjoyed, the only portion he really cared about was the drive back home, when he could listen to his music as loud as he wanted without headphones. Seether, Panic! At the Disco, and Marina and the Diamonds shuffled around each other, jumping from _Fake It_, to _One of the Drunks_, to _Sex Yeah! _

Thank the goddess traffic was always atrocious for the twenty-minute drive back to the suburbs, and he took his sweet time, staying a safe five miles under the speed limit. He usually forgot to turn his music back down, to where you couldn’t hear it outside of the car. He only did it on the off chance his father was home from work a little early, and unfortunately, today was one of those days where he was home, and waiting behind the front door for him.

“Ferdinand.” He said, eyes narrowed into slits, arms crossed over his chest, “You have some talking to do.”

He gulped, “About what?”

“I just received an email congratulating me on such amazing results from your Mana Cicer test.” His father’s expression slipped into a scowl, “You’d better tell me what this is all about before I send a reply asking for every detail.”

His heart jumped into his throat, hands clammy where they were curled by his hips. He couldn’t let his father know about Hubert, he could _never _find out about him. Ferdinand’s father had always been so homophobic, he once made him leave a school just because they had an active GSA.

“W…well, I used to be an, um, a Prince of France…” He wrung his hands, eyes moving from place to place, “And…well, I was assassinated…”

His father raised an eyebrow, “And?”

“Nothing else!” He exclaimed, a little too loudly, “I died pretty young last time…heh…”

With a grunt his father finally relented, allowing Ferdinand to enter his own home. “You’d better keep your grades up or you’ll end up dying young again.”

* * *

“No Hubert, I can’t accept something like that, I just-“

“You can and you will, love,” He said, pushing black hair out of the way of topaz colored eyes, “It’s only a simple date, just one night, you can tell your father-“

“My father is not what I’m worried about,” Amber curls fell from the loose bun they were tied up in as Ferdinand shook his head, “He wouldn’t notice for a week if I died. What I’m worried about is us being seen.”

“Being seen by who?”

“Anyone! You’re Edelgard’s right-hand man, her best friend! And she hates me!” He took a deep breath, “If anyone tells her, she might not ever talk to you again.”

“You think me so shallow as to value someone like her over you?” Hubert’s voice cracked over the Discord video call, from the bad connection or not, he couldn’t tell, “I’m only friends with her because of our parents. They were all hoping we were soulmates, but, I’m glad we aren’t.”

There was a hint of endearment in his voice, which made the ginger blush ever so slightly, adjusting the position of his headphones. It was odd, how after only a few weeks of being aware of their connection, Hubert still had him flustered over the smallest of things.

“It’s getting kinda late Hubie,” He yawned, as if to restate his point, “You should probably get some shut eye.”

Sharp features crinkled with worry, and some level of confusion, “Ferdinand, have you eaten tonight? We’ve been talking since five and it’s close to ten.”

“O…oh, well, I haven’t seen you eat anything either, I just….I eat later than most people.” Since that one day in the cafeteria, Ferdinand had gradually found himself consumed by the same nausea every time he began to eat. Of course he ate, just not very much, but apparently it had been little enough to warrant some suspicion from Hubert.

“Ferdinand, I ate an hour ago, you watched me put it in the microwave and almost drop it.”

“I’m just not hungry! Okay!” He ran a hand through his hair, avoiding eye contact, “It’s really not that big a deal…”

With a sigh, Hubert closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Fine, fine, just, make sure you eat a little more at lunch.”

“Goodnight, sweet dreams.”

“Goodnight, Ferdinand.”

Switching tabs to Spotify, he presses play on his main playlist and flops back on his bed. His heart is pounding.

Hubert noticed.

He noticed.

“Crap…”

Ferdinand closes his laptop, rising from the comfort of his bed, and pads over to the full-length mirror. The black shirt he has on is Hubert’s, borrowed two weeks ago when sweat had seeped through his shirt during band, the acidic scent of coffee and the faint remnants of the patchouli and vanilla lotion he’d gifted him. It was oversized on him to begin with, his soulmate being broader than him and a few inches taller. But now, it looked like it was on a wire hanger, stomach stripped of fat, arms slimming.

Even his sweatpants were looser than before, resting on his hipbones rather than the once defined Psoas muscle that used to be above them. It seemed, that since Ferdinand had begun to lose weight, he didn’t just lose fat. He was rather disturbed to find that he was dropping muscle mass as well.

He lifted the hem of the shirt, resting the hand with the gathered fabric on the lower portion of his rib cage. The faint outline of what might have eventually been defined abdomen was long gone, his stomach concave, sickly looking, thin. Ferdinand was startlingly aware of this, how frail he had become, especially since it had gotten to the point where the ever oblivious Sylvain had noticed.

Still, every single time he went to take a bite of his lunch, no matter what it might be, he felt bile rise. Some days, he managed to choke it down, pushing past his gag reflex, though he’d usually end up in the bathroom with a hand down his throat.

He didn’t know what to call it. It wasn’t bulimia, he could hardly manage to nibble at a cracker, let alone binge eat. Anorexia might have been closer, but he was aware of it, weren’t most of them under the impression that they needed to eat less? This was the now him talking, even if he wasn’t aware of it, the fear of gaining any weight was what always led to his nausea. The idea of gaining weight disgusted him, especially when he thought of how everyone else would react, when he thought of _Hubert _being disgusted by him.

Sighing, he dropped the shirt and shuffled back to bed. Ferdinand was hesitant to go to a doctor, not wanting to imagine how his father would treat his failing mental health.

A nagging voice in the back of his mind kept telling him to speak with Hubert about it, that he would care, that not telling him just worried him further. Another voice told him just to keep his lips locked, that no one needed to know besides himself.


	5. Force our smiles, baby, half dead

School progressed as normal as it could for Ferdinand, days and weeks creeping by. PSAT's and PACT's were finally out of the way, now all he had to worry about were midterms. It wasn't that he was bad at any subject, but he was concerned over his Civics exam.

  


Professor Byleth had helped him a great deal with his grade in the class. But extra credit assignments and retests couldn't help him now. Dorothea and Claude had assured him that he was doing better than half of the class. That didn't help his mood very much, considering the class average was a strong D minus.

  


"Seriously, I can't go out tonight," Linhardt groaned, laying his head down on the lunch table. "I have a job now, the other librarian is sick, so I have to take the night shift. Ask Ferdinand."

  


"Already asked, he has a 'study session', with Hubert," Caspar muttered, picking at his half-eaten sandwich. "I guess the three of us can go on our own?"

  


Sylvain sucked in a breath through clenched teeth, "Oof, uh, actually, I have a date with Fe tonight."

  


"And I...well," Claude clicked his tongue, "Yeah, I don't want to go."

  


At the end of the table, sneaking glances over at his soulmate, the ginger took small bites off a cracker. His friends had been planning to go see a movie Dorothea's aunt, Manuela, was in. It was a remake of some movie she'd starred in back in her glory days. He would have gone if it was any other night.

  


Hubert was leaving tomorrow morning to go visit his mother and father, who both lived back in Germany. He wasn't technically emancipated, but he was able to live on his own in an apartment a few minutes from the school. It was where the two of them had shared their first kiss, which escalated quite quickly.

He’d be gone for a whole week. A whole week without any hugs, or kisses, or even a brush of fingers. How weak love had made him.

They were spending the night with each other, a dinner date, a movie, and all the cuddles Ferdinand desired. Even in private, Hubert seldom let him sit in his lap or curl up together in general, he preferred to have some space is all. But, because he was leaving for such a length of time, he decided he’d indulge his love, just this once.

As he turned his head to look over at Hubert just one last time before the lunch bell rang. Edelgard caught his gaze, and his small smile turned to unadulterated fear. He whipped his head back around, and shrunk where he sat. When the bell rang, he took his sweet time gathering his things, telling his friends to go on and leave him behind.

As he trudged out, confident that she had rushed out with the rest of the students, he hung his head, starting for the bathroom where he’d spend the next five to ten minutes snogging Hubert. He was only a few short feet away when he was roughly shoved into a locker, feeling the metal of the lock digging at his spine.

“Look, Ferdinand,” Edelgard grunted, gripping the collar of his sweater, “That stunt you pulled with Claude, that shit won’t fly anymore. Your little friends aren’t going to be there for you once they realize what a stuck up bitch you are. I’ve noticed how you eat at lunch, fatass, I’ve noticed you looking over at Hubert, acting like he cares. Back off, von Aegir, those test results don’t mean anything.” She dropped his collar, his knees feeling weak beneath him.

“I….I don’t know what you’re talking abou-“

He was cut off when a surprisingly hard punch flew at his nose, feeling blood trickle down his lip, hearing a small crunch. Clutching his nose, he stumbled, propping himself up against the lockers.

“Ferdinand?” A voice down the hall called as Edelgard bolted for her next class, “Ferdinand where are you?”

Now audible, the footsteps became louder and louder until they were right by him, “Oh my god, Ferdinand, are you alright?! Goddess what happened? Who…who did this?”

By now, he could easily recognize the voice as Dorothea’s, her hand coming to rest on his shoulder. He said nothing, moving to stand, her moving to support him as she drug him along to the nurse’s office. She was muttering to herself under her breath, so faint that even when he strained his ears, he couldn’t pick anything up.

Maybe it was the ringing in his ear that was drowning it out. Or maybe the dimming of his vision meant he was just falling asleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yikes, a much shorter chapter than usual.  
So, I'm back! And I am here to announce that this work will update next Friday and after that, it will be updated on Saturdays. Next Saturday is my last marching competition, so I'll have all Saturday to write after that ^-^.


	6. Announcement

Unfortunately, as you may have noticed with my lack of updates, I have lost inspiration for this work. I couldn't quite figure out how to continue this, nor did I have any ideas for future chapters or events. For all intents and purposes, this fanfiction is abandoned.

If there is anyone willing to take over this work, you can reach me via my Quotev @FleetingPhantom or on my Tumblr @fleeting-phantom.


	7. Announcement 2: Electric Boogaloo

You may remember this fanfiction being abandoned.

Well, someone did offer to continue this work! simon_seasa will be taking care of it as of now! Please be kind and patient as you have been so far, and please continue to enjoy this work as you have before, thank you all for your kind words, but my portion of this work is done!

I would like to give one last thank you to the friends of mine who supported me and listened to my ramblings, and a very special thank you to simon_seasa for continuing this.

-Lucas


	8. From comparing myself to everyone else around me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand wakes in a hospital with Hubert by his side.

“What…?” Ferdinand murmured trying to sit up, nausea shot up his throat. What happened? He wondered, the bathroom… and Edelgard. She hit me. Oh Goddess Dorothea-- His breathing quickened. His surroundings coming into sharp focus as his panic began to eat at him. How am I going to explain this?! 

What about Hubert, we were supposed to-- his thoughts were cut off. 

”Ferdinand, stay down. I’ll call the Nurse.” A warm hand pressed him back down gently, calming him for the moment. “Hubie..?” He asked trying to still himself. “Stay.” 

“Y-yea.. Okay...” He squinted, his mind swimming. I’m in the hospital… How did I get here? No no, my Father… he-- no. Ferdinand sniffled, He’s going to be so mad. I’m such a failure. Why does he even put up with me. 

A small beep and a dial tone sounded, “Yes, Mr Von Vestra?” came the curt man's reply over the phone. Hubert frowned lightly a twitch of annoyance between his brows, “Von Aegir is awake.” 

why does anyone bother with me, Ferdinand continued his internal monologue. “wonderful, Nurse Elise will be with you shortly.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course!”

Ferdinand groaned, “hubert…? Why am I in hospital?”

Hubert took his hand gently and kissed his knuckles, “well, my starling…” Ferdinand blinked, going a light pink, he chewed his bottom lip. Why is he suddenly giving me a pet name.. we.. don’t. Ferdinand went to move wanting to fidget with his hair, the iv in his arm pulling taut. 

“Don’t.” Hubert frowned, watching him change focus to his arm. “S-sorry.”

“Starling,” He began again, “You were assaulted in the restroom..” 

“assaulted?” Ferdinand asked, his pitch rising in panic. “No no no no, I was not assaulted. I s-simply fell.” 

Hubert raised a brow, “You fell so hard you broke your nose?” “uh… yes?” Ferdinand nodded trying not to look away from him, “I am very clumsy.”

“Ferdinand.” Hubert frowned. He smiled and winced in pain. “Y-yes Hubert?” “Why are you lying to me?” Hubert asked keeping his mouth pressed to his knuckles. 

“I-.. I’m not Hubert.” Ferdinand frowned pulling his hand away, Hubert sighed straightening in his chair. “Very well…”

“Um.. wait-- what d-day is it?” Ferdinand asked looking horrified, his stomach twisting up into knots. He shouldn’t have eaten that cracker. “how-- long was I out? Did-did you miss your flight?” Hubert watched him passively panic, waiting for him to stop. 

“Hubert?” He whispered.

“I missed my flight, and before you speak. you are more important to me than a trip I can take anytime I wish.” Hubert said crossing his legs elegantly. “Hubie…” Ferdinand frowned, “that’s not-- I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize Starling, I would have made this decision regardless of how this injury occurred. I would however prefer you didn’t lie to me” Hubert murmured staring him down, Ferdinand refused to look at him choosing instead to play with his hair. 

“Ferdinand.” Hubert frowned, scooting his chair closer to the bed.”...Starling, please tell me what is going on in that gorgeous head of yours.”

“Y-you’re making me n-nervous…” He stuttered out, tears beginning to well up ”I-I did really fall.” Hubert exhaled through his nose, and kissed his cheek. “Okay. I believe you.” Ferdinand let out a harsh sob, Hubert stood and held him close. “Starling…” He hummed, “It’ll be alright, I promise.” 

Ferdinand nodded trying desperately to choke back his sobs, “I’m sorry..” he said weakly, letting go. Hubert tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear gently. “Ferdinand…” The copper haired boy looked down chewing his bottom lip. 

With that, the door flew open a cheerful girl stood in the door. “Hello! I’m Elise.” She hummed a side smiled across her face. 

Hubert blinked looking at her, “How… old are you?” “hm? Oh! I’m twenty seven.” She said putting her clipboard down, “Mr Von Vestra, I have to ask you to wait in the hall for a few moments, ‘kay?” Hubert frowned, his lips going into a thin line. “Sorry kiddo, I don’t make the rules.”

Hubert stood and left quickly, the door shutting behind him. Ferdinand swallowed thickly, “ah… Miss Elise, what-what’s the verdict?” “well Ferdie, here’s the tea.” Elise sighed leaning against the counter, “You’re nose isn’t broken, but you did get a really serious bloody nose.” He nodded listening, “that’s good, not that-- it’s good either.”

“That’s about it, the doc gave some papers to your dad. But uh, that’s it yea.” She smiled widely, “anyhow, You can be discharged now.” “o-okay.” He nodded, the young woman removed the wires. tapes and the ivs from him. He cringed at the sensation of the needle being pulled out. “Alright then, Ferdinand. You behave now okay?” “O-of course!” He nodded quickly.

She left quickly, rushing on past Hubert in the hall. She didn’t give him a single glance as she past. The goth glared just as he was about to enter, Ferdinand in his clothing from yesterday ran into him. “Hubert--?” He asked looking up at him. Without warning Hubert kissed him, “I’ll drive you home.”

“Ah… alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, I'm the author who is taking over!  
I tried my best to follow the writing style,  
which is why it took so long to update. I couldn't do it so I wrote how I usually do.  
sorry bout that!
> 
> \- Simon


	9. Please put the doctor on the phone cause I'm not making any sense

Dorothea frowned waiting in the parking lot, there was no sign of Ferdie. She began picked at her in worry, the red finish on her nails peeling away. Hubert walked as he always did with Edelgard a few steps ahead, the brunettes brows furrowed. Placing her hands on her hips, “Hubert Von Vestra!” Her voice carried, He sighed lightly.

Edelgard huffed to herself folding her arms across her chest, “Dorothea we do have--”

“Oh this won’t take long Edie, Hubie is Ferdinand okay?” She asked eyes wide, cutting of the silvery haired girl. Edelgard rolled her eyes, and tapped her foot impatiently. 

Hubert sighed, “For the most part he is well, or at least seems well.” Edelgard glanced at him, his face unusually tired with dark bags under his eyes. They were much deeper than usual. “He claims to have fallen.”

“Fallen?” She asked, biting her bottom lip. Hubert nodded, “He wouldn’t say anything else about it... “ 

Dorothea sighed lightly, “I… what should we do? It’s clear he’s being harassed.” Edelgard straightened up eyes narrowing at the other girl, the brunette gave her a pointed look while continuing. “I suppose… that one of our group should make sure to be around at all times…”

“That might do well, but should he find out… I don’t believe he will be too keen on it.” Hubert sighed rubbing his chin in thought. 

“Obviously we don’t tell him Hubie.” She deadpanned, “you know what I think?”

“Please enlighten us.” He scoffed. 

“I think, He’s lonely.” She said playing with the ends of her hair, “Perhaps you two should spend more time together? Don’t you agree Edie?” Edelgard sighed, “I suppose it would be good if you two… did spend more time together.” She pouted drumming her fingers against her arm.

Dorothea clapped, “good! Oh, what if you came with us to the diner next weekend?” Hubert opened his mouth, Dorothea continued on “ooo! And Edie can come too! It’ll be fun!” Hubert’s frown became more prominent. Edelgard straightened her clothes, “oh no, I have things to do over that weekend. I’ll have to pass.” 

Dorothea nodded, “That’s okay Edie, now.. I’ll have to rope the others into this. They keep cancelling! Oh well, suppose it can be a cute little dinner date for you and Ferdie!” Edelgard stalked off into the school, Hubert sighed rubbing his temples. 

Dorothea lowered her voice “Hubert.” 

Hubert sighed lightly, “I am aware that Edelgard is… a suspect. I would hope she wouldn’t stoop so low as to hurt him…” She nodded lightly and bowed her head, “It’s awful that anyone would harm another due to a past life, honestly.” Dorothea huffed exhaling loudly. “Let’s pray to the Goddess She didn’t, don’t give me that look Hubie.” 

He nodded lightly, “... this may seem like an odd question, but would you assist me in something important?’ Dorothea gave a firm nod, she stared at him waiting. Her gaze intense. “I..” He sighed shaking his head looking off to the side.

He squinted seeing Claude was chasing around two girls with a spider on the football field.

“Hubert?” She asked waving her hand around, “If it’s hard to say, than say it bluntly.” 

He locked his gaze back on to her, and nodded hesitantly. “Do you know if Ferdinand is eating correctly?” He asked, she was taken back. Mouth parting before closing again, “I.. I am unsure, I… I’ll ask his friends.” She chewed her lip, “...is that why he fainted? And-and had to be taken to hospital?”

He looked down and sighed, “It could be...I was talking to him on video chat for almost five hours and he didn’t eat... he had just went to bed.” 

“That is alarming, I’ll be sure to ask around and sit with them.” She nodded, “When is he coming back to school?” “tomorrow.” He sighed rubbing his temples, “He’s at my apartment at the moment, his father is out of town… and I wasn’t comfortable with leaving him alone.”

She nodded pursing her lips, “I hope that Edie finds her soulmate soon…” 

“I feel bad for whoever it is.” 

Dorothea glared lightly at him, giving his arm a soft slap “Hubert, don’t be like that. Edie just might surprise you!” Hubert raised an eyebrow, “Please don’t tell me you hope to be her soulmate?” “That’s a little harsh, even for you.” Dorothea sighed tilting her head to the side. “You can at least admit she was a good friend up until recently?”

“Yes, I suppose that is true.” Hubert sighed lightly giving a nod, “Very well, we’ll investigate and see.” Dorothea nodded, “yes! Oh no!” She jumped her phone going off, “Bells about to ring, see you later Hubie!” and she was off. Hubert sighed glancing back to the field where Claude had been.

Hubert frowned, and went inside the school. “Ahh! Sorry Hubert please don’t kill me!” Bernadetta screeched rushing past him ducking, Felix directly behind her. “He’s not going to kill you.” He sighed, what a mess. He’d suffer through today, just knowing Ferdinand was waiting for him at home made it worth it.


	10. Blame everyone but me for this mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorothea and Hilda have a girls chat in the restroom

Dorothea entered the restroom to reapply her lipstick, the late bell ringing. She smiled at herself in the mirror and sighed lightly focusing on her peeling nail polish. Hilda walked in humming, “Hey there Dorothea!” 

She smiled back, “Hi Hilda, no Marianne today?”

Hilda blushed a bright red, “h-hey, she’s still sick okay? I want to be the one to tell her!” Dorothea giggled putting her hand over her lips, “you’re adorable, I’d never dream of telling her! I think it’s absolutely lovely that you two are soulmates.”

Hilda twirled her hair shyly, “Okay, Okay tell me what info you need!”

“Ferdinand Von Aegir.” She said smiling, Hilda nodded leaning against the hand dryer her mouth quirked to the side.

“It’s no secret that like Miss Drummajor isn’t fond of him.” Hilda hummed, “but you know about that.” 

“You don’t know anything do you?” Dorothea huffed raising an eyebrow at her, Hilda giggled “patience patience, Hilda knows all.” “Hilda had better get to it hm?”

She pouted and sighed, “Fine, fine, here it is.I heard from Lorenz who heard from Claude that Ferdinand doesn’t eat lunch at school.” Dorothea squinted, “mhm…” 

“Flayn also saw Edelgard yesterday, She was on her way to have lunch with her dad, when she saw Edelgard running from the middle bathroom. The one near the lunchroom.”

“The one I found Ferdie in.”

“The very same, but we don’t know for like sure why she was running. She could have just been running late.” Hilda nodded, “but I did hear that she’s in love with our resident goth, Hubert.” 

“Love?” Dorothea frowned. “Maybe a crush but… he has a soulmate” She shook her head and rubbed her chin. “I heard her results were inconclusive… I suppose that… I’ll have to convince Professor Hanneman to look farther back.”

“I’m sure that won’t take long to convince, I’ve heard that the Hresvelg family spans out for absolute ages.” Hilda hummed, “I bet he’ll find out, maybe with some heavy digging but it’s not impossible.” Thea nodded and twirled her hair in thought.”... I suppose that’s true… Hilda?”

She blinked and stuttered out a “yeah?” clearly thinking they were done talking. “Could you do me a small favor?” Dorothea asked, raising an eyebrow at the sheepish look on Hilda’s face. “Fine fine, what?” She whined.

“Help me watch over Ferdie?”

“oh! I was going to do that anyway!” She smiled, “try to get Mari on it to! It’ll be fun-- er well you know.” Hilda winced rubbing the back of her neck. “Oh!! I’ll even get my dumb big brother to help out!” Dorotha nodded and smiled clasping her hands together “Thank you so much!” 

“Girls?” Seteth sighed from outside the bathroom. “Class has begun, I’d advise you to get to class.”

“Yes sir!” They both called and scurried out and went to class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sksksksk I hadn't even noticed a month has past since the last update!!  
super late but there it is wooo
> 
> -Simon <3


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